Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
