remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
