I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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