he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
