The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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