My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
