I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
