I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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