i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
