I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Randomize
