Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
