Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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