Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
