he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
