Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
