these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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