He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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