When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
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