I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
