dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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