Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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