I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
