One girl and one boy is just not enough.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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