Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
