what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I need to calm my uterus...
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
