shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
