he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
