There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
