yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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