There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
