meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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