She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
