Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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