Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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