I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
