my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Randomize
