I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
