he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
