fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
