I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I checked into jail on foursquare
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
he's gonorrhea incarnate
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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