thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
