my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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