and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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