it's too hot outside to masturbate.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
