Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
