I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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