i jhust puked up my retainher.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
