I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
