Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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