Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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