Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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