i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
