we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
