Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
