I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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