Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
