I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
