You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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