I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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